Behind every fear is a lie

I’ve been a rather socially awkward person throughout my life, and it has led me to become quite isolated in my lifestyle. I have become really entrenched in this mindset of deception and fear over the last 10 – 15 years. Now, at the time of writing this I am single and I long to cultivate some healthy friendships and perhaps even a romance. However, it seems like every time an opportunity to flex my social muscle comes along, I snuff it out, like a kid spitting on his birthday candle. It becomes awkward real fast. I get caught up in my mind. planning my next step, guessing at their thoughts and intentions, and editing my own thoughts, and eventually I don’t say or do anything, But, if I do manage to get something out it doesn’t fit the encounter or inhibits the flow entirely. There are so many embarrassing ways, to me at least, in which I stifle or completely miss the opportunity to relate and I imagine from the other person’s perspective, they’re probably thinking, “Okaaaaay, that was weird.”

So last night I began to research how to overcome this mindset and its subsequent behavior. Thank God, it isn’t an inherent, irreparable character flaw that I would simply have to cope with, like a fundamental disability. I guess in a sense it is a dis-ability though, or rather a skill set I haven’t cultivated, but one that I can learn and improve upon. I’m so grateful for this because I was beginning to lose hope, and believe this would always be my lot. I say all this, to tell you there is one key thing to understand about this, and all fear based issues, which is, behind every fear is a lie.

The enemy has one tool, one weapon that he wields masterfully. and that is the lie. I don’t say this to glorify him, it isn’t an exemplary trait, and for the one anchored to the Rock of Truth, it isn’t even a real threat. However, he did deceive a third of heaven through his twisted reasoning so it is something we should take heed of and it’s the reason we should be vigilant in studying God’s word and fastidious at following the lead of the Holy Spirit. The reason the bible says “do not fear,” over 360 times is because, fear indicates you’re listening to a voice other than God’s, Fear indicates you’ve begun to believe a lie.

Now, the following isn’t a comprehensive list by any means. However, it is a short list based on fears associated with social awkwardness or social anxiety. that I compiled during my research and I want to share it with you as an example. This list highlights the fear, the lie behind it, and the biblical truth that brings it to light and renders it powerless. I hope that these will help you too.

The fear: I'm afraid that they'll reject me.
The lie: Rejection is a reflection of my value.
The truth: Your value is determined by the One who created you, and the price paid to restore you. God didn't whimsically send His only Son to die on your behalf. He doesn't pay the highest price for worthless objects. You are so precious Jesus set aside His throne, His glory, His power, allowed Himself to be born through the womb of a woman to become a man, and entrust His life to the Father's wisdom and will. He paid in blood, His blood, the price of our corruption, to restore us back to our original value and purpose, and that is to carry the very image of our Creator and fill the earth with it. This is how your value is measured, not by the opinions of the blind.

The fear: I'm afraid that they won't like me.
The lie: Everyone needs to like me. If they like me, they appreciate my value.
The truth: No one needs to like you because God already loves you. It feels nice to be liked, but it's better to be loved by the One who knows you better than you know yourself. He defines your worth. That isn't to say that there won't be people who see and appreciate your unique person, but if you know God already does and value that more, then you won't need people's appreciation to feel your worth.

The fear: People must think the worst about me.
The lie: People think about you all the time and what they think about you matters.
The truth: People rarely think about you, their opinions are worth little, and quickly change. Besides, what they think about you only matters if you let it. Only the Spirit of God knows your heart and can guide you in all truth. God's evaluation is the only one of consequence.

The fear: I'll never be as good as them.
The lie: People who seem to have it together are better than you and they are out of your league.
The truth: Comparison is game for fools. No one has it all together. All fall short. Remember, God paid the same price for them as for you, therefore, you have the same value. Status, money, education, etc. only indicate different abilities and gifts, not a different worth.

The fear: I need to be perfect to be valuable, useful. or lovable.
The lie: You need to be perfect. Imperfect means unlovable.
The truth: You will be perfect, when we are all transformed in the blink of an eye and are called up to meet Jesus in the sky, upon His return. In the mean time, you are being perfected, it's process, not a destination. God uses you as are now to grow you into who you will become. Other's ability to love you has nothing to do with you or your value. It has everything to do with their relationship with God or lack of one. Besides, authentic love is given irrespective of your imperfections and it imbues value to the one in whom it is invested.

The fear: I am the sum of my mistakes.
The lie: Mistakes are a reflection of fundamental, irreparable character flaws.
The truth: Mistakes are inevitable, human, and expected. Sure, some of them are awful, with great remorse attached. However, those moments don't define you, but how you respond to the memory of them will shape you, so be merciful to yourself, as God has been merciful to you. Remember, He is in the habit of exchanging beauty for ashes, and oil of joy for mourning and so should you.

The fear: I am the sum of my mistakes. (not a typo)
The lie: Your past is your identity.
The truth: God's image and what He says about you is your identity. You are loved, wonderfully, and fearfully made, and you are His child. You've been redeemed, restored, healed, and delivered. You stand before your God, holy, blameless, and above reproach. THAT is your identity.

The fear: I'll never be good enough.
The lie: You'll never be good enough.
The truth: No, you'll never be good enough, you'll be better. Being good enough isn't the standard. It only aims at mediocrity, not excellence. God created you for excellence.

The fear: I will always be a failure.
The lie: You can never change.
The truth: The only thing that keeps you from changing is believing you can not. The life of a Christian is transformative by nature. With steadfast faith in Yeshua, growth and change are inevitable, not merely wishful thinking.

The fear: I am unloved.
The lie: Only God can love you, and even He has His doubts.
The truth: This simply isn't true. His love, is the only love that really matters, for from it, everything else of any worth, flows. He has poured out His love upon you with such extravagance, from your creation to your restoration and reconciliation, and His plans for your eternal future are beyond your imagining.

As you can see all of these fears will cripple and impede your relationships with yourself, others, and especially the Father. But when exposed to the truth they become obvious traps, and ridiculous statements with no basis in reality. God is true. His word is true. He is reality. Everything that isn’t found in Him is a mirage, a smoke screen meant to obscure your path, keep you in the dark.

So from this I challenge you to study scripture, but not to memorize it, like some method for war, or incantations to be cast, but rather to know God, to know His heart, His character, His purpose, and His plan. It’s in the knowing Him that we are changed. It’s in the knowing Him we are empowered to thwart the lies of the enemy. It’s in the knowing Him that we are saved. If behind every fear is a lie, then behind real faith lies the truth and if you know the truth, the truth shall set you free.